Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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