A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
