I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
