so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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