Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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