She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
