"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
