are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
