I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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