I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
