i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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