I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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