yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
