sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
