Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
my poor anus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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