what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
