downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
