Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
