What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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