Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
