Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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