dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
