Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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