all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
