the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
