He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Randomize
