you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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