there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
