Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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