I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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