Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
