i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize