this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
