is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
