a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize