She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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