weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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