He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
