my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
