Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
