Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
