If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
