Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
People in love make me want to vomit
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
