no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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