my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
