so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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