im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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