Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
