You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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