he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
