yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
