Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
