FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
