just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
