i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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