Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
