No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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