I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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