he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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