You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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