You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
