he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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