I think I am morally bankrupt
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
