I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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