I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ttyl tear gas
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize