TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize