if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Are we in a gay sports bar?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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