our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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