Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
