hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
