'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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